The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
Q. What did one artistic colored pencil say to another?
A. Bro, you are lookin' sharp today!
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
My son fell asleep last night with the TV clicker in his hand.
He’s really embraced remote learning.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
I went on a date with a Chess World Champion the other night.
It took her about 10 minutes to pass the salt.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
I chucked my phone into a very deep lake.
Somehow it's still syncing.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
When autumn arrives, the evergreen tree asked the deciduous tree, "Leafing so soon?'
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
What do you call a diving dog?
A sub woofer.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What happens if you listen to metal too loudly?
You become Megadeaf
You’re sledding a fine line there.
Make it rein.
When the ghost watched a sad movie he started boo-hooing.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
You seem a little mer-mad.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.