What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
I feel thankful for having you as my gym buddy and lover.
Our relationship is really working out.
I’m a small Irish creature who has been diagnosed with a serious sickness. It’s Leprechronic.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What sound does a llama’s doorbell make?
Llama llama ding dong.
A man fell into a vat of varnish and died
He had a terrible end but a lovely finish.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
"I would hop to the end of the world for you."
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
- Will you marrow me?
In Ireland, I call the shots.
How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
What does a polite vampire say to its victim?
- Fang you very much.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What do you say to comfort a grammar teacher?
They’re, there, their.
My girlfriend wants to open a yoga studio, even though she currently cannot afford it.
I told her it's a bit of a stretch.
Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
I beg your garden?
What did the pun say to his annoying colleague?
You're being pun-reasonable right now!
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
If you do bowling and for some reason you can’t hear a pin drop, something could be wrong with your bowling.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.
Deep sea diving is so dangerous.
I just can’t fathom it.
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.