Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
There is no glory in practice, but without practice there can be no glory. This volleyball pun is very inspirational. For you to do your best, you have to be willing to practice.
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
A cross-eyed teacher can't control his pupils.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
My friend was going to a painting competition, so I wished him, "Grey the force be with you".
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
I’m so lepre-gone right now.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
What’s a skeleton’s next favorite rock band?
Bone Jovi.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
It takes one to snow one.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
You mermaid to go far.
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B?
The skeleton was scared of going skiing, he didn’t want to wrist it.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
I love spending koala-ty time with you.
Why couldn’t the Italian man get into his house?
He had gnocchi.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
What does a hunter do with a basketball?
He shoots it.