Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
What do we call an airplane that cannot take off? It is called an error plane.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
You’re my lucky charm.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
Shave a single shingle thin.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Don't worry, bee happy!
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
"Yoda one for me."
What do you call it when you get mugged on the vernal equinox?
The first robbin’ of spring!
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Calm before the score
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
What do you call a broken can opener?
A can't opener
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.
For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.
Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases stealing each other's methods, committing plague-iarism.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
Why didnt the moon go outside?
Because it was waning.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*
Don't get tide down.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
My son asked me what Micheal Jackson was doing in Italy
I told him he was "sight-heeheeing."