I’m kind of a big dill.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
Did you hear about the restaurant they built on the moon?
The food is good but it lacks atmosphere.
What do you call a guy who can't stop running along the beach?
Joggernaut.
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
Today I be-leaf in leprechauns
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
Did you see that movie about King Kong, the giant ape?
The plot was pretty bananas.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Summer is my favorite sea-sun of the year.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
What do you call a large colorful pile of leaves?
The Great Barrier Leaf.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.
"Sea, Señor," replied the Mexican.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
It may just be a stage I'm going through, but I sure do love the trapdoors on set.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.