I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Remember, Irish puns on St. Patrick's Day don't just shame you. They Seamus all.
"Have an egg-cellent Easter."
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
Why are pilots so bad at basketball?
Because they're always traveling.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
At dinner tonight my mother in law asked why my sons knife had a bend in it
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
I gave someone directions to a theater today
I guess I am a movie director now.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
You snow the drill.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper