Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
How does Bigfoot stay in shape?
It does Sas-squats.
Wind turbine mechanics and engineers are very fond of the blew color!
Why did the artist get into a heated argument with the gallery curator? He just wasn't in the right frame of mind.
When the basketball realized all the checks were bouncing, he decided to visit the bank himself to find out.
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
If your mom slaps you with high frequency -
It Hertz
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
Is it ad-out again? I’m going to hit my breaking point.
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
I just found out that Mercedes is donating state-of-the-art street sweepers to some of the largest cities around the world to help fight littering.
They're calling it Mercedes-clenz.
I would like to take a moment and thank my eyeballs.
Thanks for looking out for me.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
I got sacked from my job at the guillotine factory today
It’s a cut throat business
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Why should you not play volleyball in court? Because you could get arrested.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
Koi fish always travel in a groups of four
Because the predator will go after the D koi
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
I asked my husband to please press pause on the movie We were watching.
He called the dog over for the task, wanted to press his paws.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
Have you ever wondered why gulls are known as seagulls? It is because they are by the sea. Had they been by the bay, they would have been called bagels.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
What song does a painter sing when he is in truly dire straits? Monet for Nothing.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.