Let’s list the froze and cons.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
Other people had drugs in school, but I brought Greek cheeses.
That way I could have math and feta cheese.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
It’s a winterful day!
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
What does a volleyball player do when they go to prom? They spike the punch.
Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
French guy goes into a bar with a frog on his head
The bartender asks “where’d you get that?” And the frog says “in France. There’s loads of them.”
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road?
Poultry in motion.
To get to the other tide.
Best in snow.
What country do marathoners retire to?
Iran.
The pint’s the limit.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.
After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
Case in punt
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Caesars.
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Why should a bowling alley be quiet?
So you can hear a pin drop!
Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.