What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What is a vegan Viking called?
A Norvegan.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
My friend was telling me about how a shark attacked her while she was diving
I told her, that bites.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
What is the call of a Spanish speaking owl?
Quién...Quién.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
If you don’t have a lot of figurines from Ancient Greek mythology, I can give you a mini tour.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
Jack is a lovable man with a colorful personality. He is a great hue-man.
Rudder valve reversals
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
I ordered the wrong kind of flowers online for Valentines Day.
Oops e-daisies.
What’s it like to kiss a vampire?
A real pain in the neck!
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? Eye-saur.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Lobster
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.