The closer we came to the alley, the louder the bowling thunder.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
How did the Native Americans get to America first?
They had reservations.
Beach you to it.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
"Alcohol you later."
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
I was cracking some lame fall puns when my friend commented, "Gosh, you are acorny person!"
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Can’t pinch this.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
I ordered the wrong kind of flowers online for Valentines Day.
Oops e-daisies.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
What type of stroke does a classical musician use when swimming?
The Bach stroke!