What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
Who’s at the door?
It’s snowbody.
What do you call a Rabbi who works with solvents?
An acidic Jew.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
Where do school-going vampires carry their books?
In bat-packs.
Take a page from the book and leaf.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
My dad used to be an airline pilot, but he decided to retire because it got too Boe-ing.
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
How many colors are in the rainbow? I haven't got a blue.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
A tree toad loved a she-toad,
Who lived up in a tree.
He was a three-toed tree toad,
But a two-toed toad was she.
The three-toed tree toad tried to win,
The two-toed she-toad's heart,
For the three-toed tree toad loved the ground,
That the two-toed tree toad trod.
But the three-toed tree toad tried in vain.
He couldn't please her whim.
From her tree toad bower,
With her two-toed power,
The she-toad vetoed him.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
A really leery Larry rolls readily to the road.
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
I accidentally went to bed with my contact lenses in the other night.
My dreams have never been clearer.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.