Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
This very fair weather actually makes me feel like a feather!
Who holds sermons during Sunday in Italy?
The Pasta.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
The fisherman goes to a bobber shop!
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
Life is brew-tiful!
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
What do you call a cold werewolf?
A chilli dog.
Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Girls just wanna have sun.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
People didn't smile for pictures in the early days of photography...
It was frowned upon.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
How does Santa capture photos? With his North Pole-oroid.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
Which basketball team is the favorite at the North Pole?
The New York Old Saint Knicks.
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
Why should you never break up with a goalie?
Because he is a keeper!
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
Denise sees the fleece,
Denise sees the fleas.
At least Denise could sneeze
and feed and freeze the fleas
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
Thirty-three thirsty, thundering thoroughbreds thumped Mr. Thurber on Thursday.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.