I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
What did the river sue for?
Beaver damage.
If you happen to knock down all the pins, don’t be overly excited. Spare us the details.
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
The snowman keeps having tantrums, they're real meltdowns!
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.
If cows could fly I'd have a cow pie in my eye.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
An astronaut who normally fails on a weightlessness experiment, might surely be aware of the gravity of the situation.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
Linda-Lou Lambert Loves Lemon Lollipop Lipgloss.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
Werewolves love their fast food.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
What is it called when a cowboy dies and comes back to life?
Reintarnation
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
My friend uses a white crow to protect his farm from other crows
He calls it a rarecrow
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Pugs and kisses.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
My son fell asleep last night with the TV clicker in his hand.
He’s really embraced remote learning.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place - Forever 21.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Don't get caught between a chalk and a hard place.
People are always after me lucky charms.