What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
What do you call a ghost of a man with a broken leg? A hobblin’ goblin.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
Let’s commit the perfect crime together.
I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
"I'm so egg-cited, I just can't hide it."
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?
I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Why do painters always fall for their models?
Because they love them with all of their art.
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
I got a parking ticket today and my husband just laughed.
He thought it was a fine joke.
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
The weather man said there won’t be any rain for 6 months, but I drought it.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
A student had a heart attack when she saw the grade on her exam
She passed.
Prepare to be bowled over.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
Teaching babies to walk is hard, but you just have take it one step at a time.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
There's this vampire who's more powerful than any other, because he can't be hurt by the sun
All other vampires pale in comparison.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.