What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
Why do ghosts and demons get along so well? Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
Where do math teachers normally like to go on summer vacation?
Times Square.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Why did the pig want a divorce?
Her husband was a boar.
Why did you guys not laugh at my space puns? Because there way to Sirius.
I met my husband while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...
straightaway I knew he was a keeper.
How will you have communion in the space if you won’t have mass?
A prisoner was released from jail, he shouted "Yay I'm free I'm free!" A little boy yelled "So what I'm 4 I'm 4!"
What do cows in Greece sound like?
They say µ.
My Chiropractor is serious is as hell
But he always cracks me up.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
I had never seen a horse that white. Perhaps, that is why it is called a mayo-neighs.
What is a dairy product like as a partner?
They’re your butter half.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
Why was the pun a bad comedian?
He never got the pun-chline right!
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut