What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
The weather man said there won’t be any rain for 6 months, but I drought it.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
What's an albino crow called? A caw-casian.
You cannot get a basketball game fairly officiated in the jungle because cheetahs are all over.
Why is it so hard for people with asthma to have exciting dates?
The last thing you want is someone to take your breath away!
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
Why did king Minos put Minotaur inside a labyrinth?
He wanted to amaze his wife.
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
What do you call one day below freezing and the next day at 70 degrees?
“It’s snowing today, but water you doing tomorrow?”
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
What did snow white say when she came out of the photo booth?
Some day my prints will come.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What do you call ten arctic hares hopping backward through the snow?
A receding hare line.