What can I say? I enjoy going to court.
So sue me.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
They told me I was too old to hunt for Easter eggs, but the jokes on them!
I prefer mine poached.
When your putt lips out, what disease do you have?
Liprocy.
What do you call a chameleon that can't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
What is the definition of art theft? A: The haul of frames.
Dublin over in laughter.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
Time to spruce things up.
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
What do you call an italian mosquito?
Malario.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
"I think you should embrace the change, son"
Said my father as he handed me a handful of coins.
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided if the cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.