In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
Have you seen the Greek book that became a movie? You odyssey it.
Wind turbine mechanics and engineers are very fond of the blew color!
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
The only reason i want to become a father is to make dad jokes all the time. Some people think I am kidding
But i’m dad serious
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Why do the blondes prefer to have se* instead of bowling?
The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
The huddle is real
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
The weather man said there won’t be any rain for 6 months, but I drought it.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
What's an albino crow called? A caw-casian.