What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
As autumn came, the leaves started greeting each other by saying, "Hay there!"
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
What does the Ghost say when he sneezes? - Ach-ooooooooooooooooooooo!
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
The ocean made me salty.
During the divorce, the judge couldn't decide who got the shack in the backyard, despite our numerous arguments.
It was a case of he shed, she shed.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
At what time of day did God create Adam?
Just before Eve.
What's long, surprisingly bigger than expected, comes in different colors, and everyone wants a ride from?
A limousine.
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.
Football is one habit I will never kick
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.
Don’t be elfish.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What do you get when you kiss a diseased bird?
Cherpies, but don't worry.
It's tweetable.
What did the grilled cheese say to the frying pan?
You make me melt.
What is it called when a witch only casts spells that rhyme?
Poetry in Potion.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
In Ireland, they really like to ham it up.
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
What do golf and se* have in common?
They’re two things you can enjoy even if you’re bad at both of them.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.