What is Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola.
Where do chess grandmasters keep their pet snakes?
In a chesst.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What do you call a married couple who compete in the marathon side-by-side?
Running mates.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
I like to crouch down, hug my knees and lean forward.
That's just how I roll
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
Don’t be elfish.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
I drank alot of alcohol at the airport last night.
I now have a terminal hangover.
Why will you not want to give a bath to the Saturn? It would then leave a ring around the tub.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
Mother knows best, and when winter comes, Mother Nature snows best.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
Why did the Ghost turn down the job? He could not see himself doing it.
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
Nothing really mattress.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Frankenstein entered a body-building competition…
And soon found he had seriously misunderstood the objective.
The weather man said there won’t be any rain for 6 months, but I drought it.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
I hate getting tide down in one place. So let's take an ad-van-ture.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
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Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal-sized clippers?
Shear size.
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new?
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Llama know if you don’t like these puns and alpaca my suitcase and leave!
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
Why did the King of Hearts marry the Queen of Hearts?
They were perfectly suited to each other.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
It’s worth a shot.
How would you be able to prevent a summer cold?
Catch it in the winter!
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
Why was the bucket so embarrassed at the beach?
Because of how pail it was.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.