Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Do you want to know what you get when you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? Really! Ooh you will end up with a bouncing baby boa.
Where does the sun hide at night? Just keep looking for it, it'll dawn on you soon!
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
Are you a magnet? Because I find you very attractive.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
Why shouldn't you iron a four-leaf clover?
You don't want to press your luck!
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I feel pretty shore this is going to be the best summer yet.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
Why was the ghoul so smart?
He always ate brain food!
Finding Bigfoot will be no small feat.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
What do chickens call school tests?
Eggs-aminations.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
A ship load of red paint crashed into a ship load of blue paint. The crews were marooned.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.