Where does Sasquatch store his stuff while he's out on a hike?
In a big footlocker.
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...
`It was his weather vein.
You’re my lucky charm.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy
So it’s italicized!
If you don’t have a lot of figurines from Ancient Greek mythology, I can give you a mini tour.
We’ll have a splash-tastic time.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
The sun's favorite color is ultraviolet. Apparently, it glows with everything.
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A Tricera-hops!
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
Life without you would be un-bear-able.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
I accidently sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
Have you heard the one about the spaceship that came to Earth?
Never mind its over your head.
What does a house wear?
Address.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
What did the prehistoric Greeks call their goddess of love?
Troglodite.
Why can you never trust an artist? Because they are a bit sketchy, a little shady and will always try to frame you.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
My friend was telling me about how a shark attacked her while she was diving
I told her, that bites.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
An arm and a leg!
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.