How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
The ocean made me salty.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
What is it called when a cowboy dies and comes back to life?
Reintarnation
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
The sun replies: I hurt everyone when they come close to me.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
Ireland is pitcher perfect.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
What does Cinderella usually wear at the beach?
Glass flippers!
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
What do you call a werewolf that's found the cure for lycanthropy?
A lycan'tthrope.
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Where do bats keep their money? The blood bank!
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What’s black and white and yellow?
A cowardly panda.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”