I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.
I had a great childhood, I remember my dad would put me in a tire & roll me down the hill all summer.
Those were Goodyears.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Autumn is full of pumpkins, it is a gourd-geous time of the year.
The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Because it's a little meteor.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
If you travel to the future and get decapitated
You'd be ahead of your time
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why are eyes always the last organ harvested?
because they dilate.
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
He planted a light bulb and thought he'd get a power plant.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
The Cluck o’the Irish!
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I was hiking yesterday, when I suddenly ran in to a cougar....
Almost made me puma pants!
Long ago, a couple of dudes claimed that human flight was possible.
They were Wright.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
How does the sun say hi to the moon?
With a heat wave!
Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.