Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
You’re sleigh-in’ it.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Why does Foghorn Leghorn take it slow when April rolls around?
Because he’s no spring chicken!
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
Why does the earth appreciate the moon so much?
It keeps the oceans tidy.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
I love you from my head tomatoes.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
What do you call a shrimp hit by a car?
Road krill.
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
They flipper coin!
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecast?
It’s the clam before the storm.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
Why did the ghost go to the big Labor Day sale? He’s a bargain haunter.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
What does a ghoul say when they wake up?
Gaaarrrh I love the smell of ghoul in the morning!
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
Why did the skeleton have a broken heart?
His Boney lay over the ocean.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
What did the ghost buy at the bar? Boos!
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
If volleyball were easy, they would call it football.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!