What did the artist ask the preschooler? Can you count to pen?
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
Getting lucked up on St. Patrick’s Day.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
Don't even chai.
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What type of flooring do alligators have in their homes?
Rep-tiles.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
I can’t believe you have the de Gaulle to say that to my face.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
Why did the ski instructor's love life always go downhill? The first thing the ladies noticed about him was his giant slalom.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
Why don’t readers have extra time? They’re booked.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
I had some impure water so I boiled the hell out of it and collected the condensation...
Now it’s wholly water.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
Whats in a camels favorite cup of tea?
Camelmile
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
Where does the sun hide at night? Just keep looking for it, it'll dawn on you soon!
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
You will always have
a pizza of my heart.
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
Send toast to ten tense stout saints’ ten tall tents.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
Did you hear that Mexicans created a machine that dispenses fish?
They call it a pez dispenser.
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!