Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
"Every bunny was kung fu fighting."
What would you call a singer who's really scared of medusa?
A rockstar.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
How does the Grammar Nazi party fund its government?
Through a syntax.
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
A camel can work all week without drinking..
A man can drink all week without working.
I saw some leprechauns putting coins in the vending machine but in vain. They were using lepre-coins.
Pardon me if I’m being pool-itically incorrect.
Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a werewolves’ party?
He had them howling all night.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
She sells seashells by the seashore.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren
Why should you you stand on the service line? So that you can order ice cream.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."
Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said "Da, award."
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.