Long time no sea.
A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. African, Zambian, Ethiopian, Bosnian, Nigerian, Angolan, Botswanian, Tanzanian, Saudi Arabian, Kuwaiti, Iranian, Iraqi, Pakistanian, Mongolian, Indian, Burman, Chinese, Cambodian, Laotian, Somalian, Yemen, Syrian, Israeli, Armenian, Philipino, Javan, Australian, Sri Lankan, Malaysian, Georgian, Taiwanese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Puerto Rican, Dominican Republican, Aruban, Jamacian, Cuban, Haitian, El Salvadorian, Guatamalan, Nicaraguan, Costa Rican, Panamanian, American, Canadian, Mexican, Argentinian, Bolivian, Peruvian, Columbian, Brazilian, Ecuadorian and a Venezuelan walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, "Sorry. I cannot serve you without a Thai."
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
If you cross a bee and a lizard, you'll get a blizzard!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
A sun walks into a black hole.
The black hole says to the sun "I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation".
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Someone from Southern France sent me an MS Word file with 200 pages.
It's a Languedoc.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
I am fawn’d of you my deer.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
The closer we came to the alley, the louder the bowling thunder.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Scientists permit us to see the sun in different light.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
There are many grounds religious children can practice their soccer skills. However, most of them love the prayground.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What do you call a detective who is also a real estate agent?
Sherlock Homes
What did Dr.Frankenstein say when his monster spat on him?
It’s saliva!
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
Basketball players manage to remain cool even during tough matches because they stay closer to the fans.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
I usually prefer cold weather, but only to a certain degree.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
My friend’s bakery burned down last night.
Now his business is toast.