How does one astronaut says sorry on the moon tell another astronaut? He Apollo-gises.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What do you call a girl who is standing directly in the middle of the court? Annette.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
What did one leaf say to the other leaf?
I’ve fallen for you.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
You shamrock my world.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
Where can you read about planets exploding?
In the orbituaries.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
The only time a basketball team can chase a baseball team is five after nine.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?