The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
Just look, it’s the Trifle Tower
I recently ran a charity marathon to promote greener earth, but the run left me a little jaded.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
It's easier to prepare meals with this new cookware-wolf.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What is a werewolf’s favorite tree?
A lu-pine.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane chocolate
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Best in snow.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
We’re a perfect mash.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.
She saw Sharif’s shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure those were Sharif’s shoes she saw?
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
Shake it like a pole-oriod picture.
Why do prisoners have PTSD? Cell Shock.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What do you call a small mosque in Spain?
A mosquito!
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
Becuase it was full
She sells seashells by the seashore.
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.