I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
"Hey there, hop stuff."
Talk literary to me.
We’ve reached the pint of no return.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Where my prose at?
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
Why are fisherman so stingy?
Their jobs make them sel-fish!
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?
Summer went swimmingly this year.
Why did the dad prefer driving in the rain?
Things ran more fluidly.
I'm pine-ing for you.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
I only have ice for you!
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
How do ghosts stay fit? By exorcising daily.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
Snowmen decide on everything with a game of eeny, meeny, miny, snow.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
I'm opening up an old folk's home in Tijuana.
Señor Citizens.
Irish puns are the most O'ffensive.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
You can donate blood to me anytime since you’re just my type.
How do sheep greet each other during the holidays? Fleece Navidad!
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
My wife will never forget falling asleep in the sun with her breast exposed.
It’s forever burned in her mammary.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
Why is it so hard for people with asthma to have exciting dates?
The last thing you want is someone to take your breath away!
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
What did the vegan wear to the beach?
A zucchini!
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.