What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What’s green and mean and stabs you when you hug it?
Cactus
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
"I'm so egg-cited, I just can't hide it."
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
How do cats say goodbye in Italy?
Miao.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
Did you know you can hear the blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
Star Warts.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
I’m Dublin down on what I said before.
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
I gave someone directions to a theater today
I guess I am a movie director now.
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
Recently, i started learning Spanish
But i can't hola long conversation.
French history is nothing to Lafayette at.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
When you meet someone, you don't want to get off to a bad art!