We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
Icy what you did there.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
There’s no reason to wine about you.
I got fired from Starbucks for not changing the coffee filters.
It was grounds for dismissal.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
Who never minds being interrupted in the middle of a sentence? A convict.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
If coloured caterpillars could change their colours constantly could they keep their coloured coat coloured properly?
You’re sleigh-in’ it.
The troll told his girlfriend that he was head ogre heels for her.
I was cracking some lame fall puns when my friend commented, "Gosh, you are acorny person!"
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
All stereos are so typical.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
I'd catalog you with the cookbooks because you look delicious.
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I don't know. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
What’s a deer’s go-to ice cream flavor?
Cookie-doe.
Snow on and snow forth.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
After the guy broke his arm skiing, he realized it was all downhill from there.
Vampires are not even real. Unless you Count Dracula.
Why do thespians have great hair? They want the perfect part.