How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
What’s the definition of butter?
An angry goat.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Everyone wondered why Cinderella was such a bad player. If only they knew, her coach was a pumpkin.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What do you call a professional beach volleyball player who doesn’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Homeless.
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
What’s the easiest shot in golf?
Your fourth putt.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
What’s a spiders favorite barbecue food?
Corn on the cobweb.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Vampires can always Count on Dracula.
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarter back.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
There might be other fish in the sea, but you’re my sole mate
The cat’s out of the bag – I love you purry much.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.