when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
What do you call it when leprechauns get together after being apart?
A wee-union!
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
Being vegetarian was a huge missed-steak.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Your love is like vodka. You’re worth the chase.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I yam what I yam.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?
Lucky Charms!
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
I saw an advert in the paper “Yacht for sale”.
As if people don't know what a yacht is for.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
What did the astronaut’s fiancé say when he proposed to her in open outer space? She said, “I can’t breathe!”
Why couldn't the boy run away with the farmer's daughter?
They were cantaloupe farmers.
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
I'm reading a horror story in Braille and something bad is about to happen...
I can feel it.
Werewolves love similes and metafurs.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.