What do you call a really cold, young werewolf?
A pupsicle.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
How are relationships similar to algebra?
Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
What did one eyeball say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
"It's wine o'clock."
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
It's weird being colorblind in an art gallery. Everything's a pigment of the imagination.
As I was preparing to leave the restaurant, the waiter said to me, “Do you wanna box for your leftover food?”
I said, “No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!
The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Yes, it is February 14th
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
What is the worst type of blind people?
The Notsees.
When winter comes, this town turns into an iceburg.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
My friend asked me whether I was ready to pick apples this fall? I apple-solutely was.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Why did the poor werewolf chase his own tail?
He was trying to make ends meet.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.