A happy hippo hopped and hiccupped.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
We pass expectations, set the standards and kill the competition. This is definitely one of the best volleyball puns to use as your team’s motto.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I ain't no poet, but neither are you.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
Why are fish so smart Because they swim in schools!
Don’t be a wet noodle – join us!
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
What did Mars tell to Saturn? Give me a ring sometime!
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
What do you get if you cross a ski instructor and a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university?
Billy Dean.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Why don’t leprechauns run?
They’d rather jig than jog.
But wait—there’s myrrh.
Don't even chai.
There’s a girl on my art course who never does any original work, she copies everything.
We call her Tracey.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
Why was the basketball court so slippery?
Because all the players were dribbling on it.
Witch fall flavor is your favorite?
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
IT’S A LIEEEEE!!