What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
The best place on earth to shop for soccer kits is New Jersey.
A mixture of black, white, and red usually refers to a panda who has experienced severe sunburn!
Pilots would be very hard to beat in a competition, they are always ready for a-rrival.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
How do camels blend in?
With camel-flage
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
Sleigh queen, sleigh.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
What did the pun say to his annoying colleague?
You're being pun-reasonable right now!
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
The tree got so tired of fighting with autumn, that he said, "Enough is enough! I'm leaf-ing".
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
An ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants.
‘’Euripides’’ says the tailor. ‘’Yeah, Eumenides?’’ replies the man.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
"What are your thoughts on diving?"
"Well, I guess it's descent as a hobby."
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house