The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
There’s no reason to wine about you.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
French people give me the crepes.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault.
The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.
It was a brief case.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
I only have ice for you.
Sips getting real.
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
You must be a bowling ball since you’re right up my alley.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Where do robots go for fun?
The circuits.
I’ll be there in a pinch.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
What’s the best time of year to break out the trampoline?
Spring-time!
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
Why did people stop going to the ghoul hospital?
They kept coming out dead!
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thick, say it quick!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thicker, say it quicker!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Don't eat with your mouth full!
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.