“Remember: don’t eat the yellow snow.”
Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.
What does a Greek God say when they answer the phone?
"Whodisious?"
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Why’d did the cowboy have a wiener dog?
Someone told him to get a long little doggie
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
From up here, I Cannes see the whole French Riviera!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Wear green, or leaf.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
Witch doctors write their prescriptions in curse-ive.
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
What do you call getting attacked by a mermaid?
An ariel assault.
What did Santa name his dog? Santa Paws!
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Have you heard about the chef on space station? He’s not that much of an astronaut, but his food is literally out of this world!
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
What did the art teacher say to the aspiring actress? You sure look the art.
I telephoned the tennis star Serena Williams for an interview and asked her, “What’s your favourite planet?”
Her: It’s Venus.
Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
Why are Ghosts so lonely? They have nobody to lean on.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!