What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What do you call an emergency in the spring?
May day.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
There are 3 rings in a failed marriage: engagement ring, wedding ring...
And suffering...
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
After graduating from high school, crows go to caw-lleges for further studies.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
“Elves are always defending the shape of their ears. They make some good points.”
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
when I’m with you.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
“Santa Claus’ favorite swimming spot is the North Pool.”
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
Your love is like vodka. You’re worth the chase.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Round the rough and rugged rock the ragged rascal rudely ran.
When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents.
What do you call a cold crocodile in winter? A refrigerator.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
What do you call a storm that doesn't come to fruition?
A mist opportunity!
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
Why did the troll kiss the witch?
To keep her busy in love!
Wear green, or leaf.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
What kind of vest should you wear in the fall?
A har-vest.
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
Why did the King of Hearts marry the Queen of Hearts?
They were perfectly suited to each other.
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
On Father's Day, I thanked my dad for his contribution to my birth.
He said it was his pleasure.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?