There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
What do planets like to read?
Comet books.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
As soon as one beaver jumped in the river to search for his key, it got shocked, as the current was too strong.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
A father was reading a book while his son was playing with toys on the floor. “Daddy, why is that book so thick?” asks the boy.
“It’s long story,” replies the father.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
Star Warts.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.