What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
I like you sow much.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
Why do cows lie on each other in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
Eddie edited it.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
What does a polite vampire say to its victim?
- Fang you very much.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
Q. Why couldn't the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mous
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
Why are mountains always sleepy? Because they n-Everest.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
“Elves are always defending the shape of their ears. They make some good points.”
An ig is just a snow house without a loo!
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
What do ghouls say to each other before heading out for Halloween?
May the ghouls be with you!
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
Hey summer, long time no sea!
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
After a tiring day at work, my wife drew me a relaxing bath. It wasn't very smart of me to ask if it was going to be in color or a sketch.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
The bowling team of which I am captain is known lightning. This is because we get countless strikes.
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.