What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
What kind of music would planets prefer to hear? NepTUNEs.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
I feel like I have seen that ghost before...I must have deja boo.
Why is research more trustworthy if it comes from France?
It's Pierre-reviewed.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
So in my trip to Spain i got attacked by a bull.
Oh man that's spainful.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
It's only quarantine if it comes from the quarantine region of France;
otherwise, it's just sparkling isolation.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
What did the police arrest the hospital patient for?
He was under cardiac arrest.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
A sun walks into a black hole.
The black hole says to the sun "I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation".
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
Soviet goaltenders got their hair cut at Vladislav's Tress-shack.
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
What happens if you run in front of a car?
You get tired.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
The main difference between a dog and a basketball player is that one dribbles while the other one drools.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I go around this chairlift again?
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
A tennis ball walks into a bar.
The bar man asks: “have you been served?”
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
Why was the criminal dubbed the Beer Runner let go after being arrested for stealing 23 beers?
'Cause the prosecutors didn't have a case.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.