What is the most favourite drink of a cow? Mountain Moo.
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
I know my shot was in. But I won’t argue, because I’m not up for the challenge.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite Beatles song?
The Ghoul on the Hill!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Ed Belfour's new contract offer isn't high compared to other goal tenders.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers.
The Times are rough.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
When you go with an army general onto a bowling alley, he will start bowling even before you enter his name on the scoreboard.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck.