Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
"What did Frankenstein's monster say to his girlfriend?"
"Will you be my Valenstein?"
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
If a painter ever feels stressed or troubled, they take a vacation to the hills. It will easel their mind!
There are many grounds religious children can practice their soccer skills. However, most of them love the prayground.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.
Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.
"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
Why are wintertime fortune tellers so reliable?
They can see what is mitten in the stars.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.