What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? Ptera Don
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
I asked my Spanish girlfriend to make a to-do list
so she wrote down everything.
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication
It's for Hispanic attacks.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
Ice simply love it when it snows!
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
What does Father Christmas do for his summer holidays? Santa Cruz.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
I met my wife at a travel agency
She was looking for a vacation and I was her last resort.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
As he gobbled the cakes on his plate,
the greedy ape said as he ate,
the greener green grapes are,
the keener keen apes are
to gobble green grape cakes,
they're great!
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What did one paint say to another when they got in an argument? Don't use that tone with me.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Who put the Howl in Halloween?
Not ghouls just the people they ate!
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
Which is the bar downtown that soccer players hate striking on? Crossbar.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
I like to say mucho when i’m talking to my Spanish speaking friends.
It means a lot to them.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
Why did the artist cross the street? To crosshatch to the other side.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
I started dating her when she backed her car into mine at the mall.
I guess you could say we totally met by accident.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
The snowman keeps having tantrums, they're real meltdowns!
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.