What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
My girlfriend really changed after she became vegan
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
The nurse in the hospital gave me an entire crate of the wrong medicine AND it was outdated! I almost died!
I got a bad case of poison I.V.
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
I’ve loved my vacation in France, but it’s time to Hugo.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
How can you tell if you’ve told a really funny Irish joke?
People will be Dublin over with laughter!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
I love a good shindig. Just call me Napoleon Bonapart-y.
What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells, jungle bells…
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
Away from their official duties, soccer players love dancing at a soccer ball.
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
A chicken goes into a library. He stands at the librarian's desk and says, "Buk," so she gives him a book. A couple of minutes later, the chicken returns. "Buk," he says, and she hands him another book. This goes on and on.
Finally, it is the librarian's break time. She goes out back to get some fresh air by the pond. That is when she sees the chicken and a frog on a lilypad. "Buk," says the chicken as he tosses a book to the frog. "Reddit," replies the frog...
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.