How should you greet a Ghost? - Long time, no see.
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
German tourist visits France.
Guy at the Airport: "Nationality?"
German Dude: "German".
Airport Guy: "Occupation?"
German Dude: "Nein, nein, Only Vacation".
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins?
They have no common cents.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
During labor, the nurse came up to my wife and said, “How about epidural anesthesia?”
I said, “Thanks, but we already picked a name.”
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
Soviet goaltenders got their hair cut at Vladislav's Tress-shack.
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
Ireland is pitcher perfect.
Witch you were here.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon?
He wanted to go where no man had gone before.
How long have I loved you? I’ve lost track.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!