A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
“He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.”
Jameson on St. Patrick’s Day? It’s worth a shot.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
What sign was posted in the witches' parking lot?
Violators will be toad.
I checked my phone bill after my trip to Italy, and it said I spent DCXII dollars.
I must have left on Data Roman.
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
What do you call a crimson-colored fish wearing a hat?
A red herring...
My girlfriend wants to open a yoga studio, even though she currently cannot afford it.
I told her it's a bit of a stretch.
I had four cans of alphabet soup.
Just had the largest vowel movement ever.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
I'm opening up an old folk's home in Tijuana.
Señor Citizens.
It is not really much about how you bowl, but instead how you roll.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
What do you call a fashionable, but judgmental monster who howls at the moon?
A What Not To Wear-Wolf.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
"Partners in wine."
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
He threw three free throws.
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses.
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
I am lucky to live in an airport, but whenever the guard comes out at night, Heathrows me out.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.