What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
"Don't worry, be hoppy."
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
How many Chinese folks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They don't change lightbulbs, then just dim sum.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
How does Italy execute its criminals?
Guidotine.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
Wolves love taking woofles for breakfast, they are sweet and amazing.
"Bone to be wild."
"There's a woman trapped under a motorway bridge in Italy."
"Genoa?"
"I'm not sure, I can't see her face."
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
This summer is going swimmingly.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What if the earth was both round and flat?
Would it be called cylindearth?
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
Why did the volleyball player have ropes and shoe strings? They wanted to tie the score.
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
Why did the police arrest the star? That’s becuase it was a shooting star.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
From the b-autumn of my heart, I love fall!
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
Winter is here, weather you like it or not.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
What does a Saudi bee call its bros?
Habibees.