Can you can a canned can into an un-canned can like a canner can can a canned can into an un-canned can?
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
I have bean thinking about you.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
My dad always said the secret to theatre was to always leave them wanting more.
He was a great guy but a terrible anaesthetist.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
When you come across a lost wolf, the first greeting should be, “how are you where-wolf”.
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
Pugs and kisses.
See snow evil, hear snow evil.
There is a specific type of cats who love to go bowling. They are known as alley cats.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
My cat kept jumping onto my desk.
I had to put him down.
Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
My father was a blind carpenter
until he picked up his hammer and saw.
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.