Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
When the ghost saw his wife he said 'you're not just cute, you're boo-tiful too!'
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
"I've found some bunny to love."
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Why is Frankenstein always asking for help?
He’s looking for someone to give him a hand.
Long time no sea.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo cluck.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
In a conversation between one pin and another, one said, “Let us never split.”
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
I know tons of dad jokes! Here’s one
1.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.