A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
My grandma is 80% Irish.
People call her Iris.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
The scientist time travels between summer and winter using his autumn-mobile!
When a dinosaur gets a goal in a soccer tournament, it is known as a dino-score.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
What did the Japanese skeleton put in his sushi?
Bone-ito flakes.
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
The moon landing is obviously fake.
The moon is clearly still up there.
What did the skiier say when his standup act was going downhill fast?
There snow possible way these puns could be more painful.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
Why is "dark" spelled with a K?
Because you can't C in the dark.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Sleeping is so easy
I can do it with my eyes closed.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
In a conversation between one pin and another, one said, “Let us never split.”
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What did the cowboy say when he bought a yo yo.
This ain't my first yo yo!
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
Where do werewolf go if their tails fall off?
A re-tail store.
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
My pink bird friend got dumped a while ago. He was sad for a while, but now he’s singe and ready to flamingle.
Drink happy thoughts.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
How did the swim team manage to pay for new pool renovations?
They pool-ed their resources!
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
“A mistle-toast to the holiday season.”
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What did the pigeon say after being struck by lightning?
Not coo.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.