I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
I seen my father pouring chicken soup over his compost yesterday
I suppose chicken soup IS good for the soil.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Wish upon a starfish.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
What type of trunks do foresters wear to the swimming pool?
Tree trunks!
Someone just stole some grass from my garden.
Strange I know, thought robbers stuck to their own turf.
I'm a supervillain from Italy, I have the power to infect people with deadly diseases.
It’s-a-me, Malario.
I goat this.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!
The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
French guy goes into a bar with a frog on his head
The bartender asks “where’d you get that?” And the frog says “in France. There’s loads of them.”
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
Was Just showing my dad my new living space. He asked “what’s upstairs?”
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk.”
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
Heard a rumor of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
Why did the bald man decide to paint a bunch of rabbits on his head? He thought that they could look like hares from a distance.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."