What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
I ate the exam paper
Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
What do you call 2000 mockingbirds?
2 kilo mockingbird
What do you get when you cross a bat with a doorbell?
A ding-bat.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.
Prepare to be bowled over.
How did the Native Americans get to America first?
They had reservations.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
I told you snow.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Water.
Water who?
Water your plans for the weekend, Mr Beaver?
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
What did one lightbulb say to the other lightbulb on Valentine’s Day?
I love you watts.
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
As I was preparing to leave the restaurant, the waiter said to me, “Do you wanna box for your leftover food?”
I said, “No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.