What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What did the artist say to his old friend? Let's clay in touch.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
"I'm so egg-cited, I just can't hide it."
What does a cow call their spouse?
Significant udder.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
Where do bats keep their money? The blood bank!
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
What do you call a witch's spotless garage?
A broom closet.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me."
Feeling cold? Go stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.
Why did the golfer need new socks?
Because there was a hole in one.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Cowboys don’t roll joints.
They tumble weed.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Life is way better in sandals, and that's one opinion that I will never flip-flop on.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
"No wine left behind."
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
What do you call it when you brush off the winter snow for the last time?
A spring fling!
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!