Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
You’re my lucky charm.
I told the artist that his painting was terrible. I think he got the picture.
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
What do you call a Jamaican man born in Italy?
Reggae-Toni.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What do you call a bunch of kids who spent all afternoon in the snow?
Chill-dren!
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
What do you call children who are born in a whorehouse?
Brothel sprouts.
Fall leaves whenever winter knocks on the door.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What did one ornament say to another? I like hanging with you.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
If you really want to get a date at a restaurant, it’s always nice to cut to the cheese.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
My friend wasn't accepted for a teaching job because he was cross-eyed
They thought he wouldn't be able to control his pupils.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
You can’t possibly play soccer in the amazon jungle because there are far too many cheetahs.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
What did France, Great Britain, and their allies say after The Great War?
World War Won.
Checked into a hotel and was offered the black & white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
I met my wife at a travel agency
She was looking for a vacation and I was her last resort.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.