What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
The boy leaf confessed to the girl leaf that he was fall-ing in love with her.
What should you do if it starts raining cats and dogs?
Please seek shelters.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
"Have an egg-cellent Easter."
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
When should astronauts retire?
When they start spacing out.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
One should always practice what they peach.
After a good summer fling, it’s time to fall in love.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
A big black bug bit a big black bear made the big black bear bleed blood.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put down.
Why shouldn't you hire a volleyball player to be your bartender?
The service may be excellent, but he'll try to spike all the drinks.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Your love is like vodka. You’re worth the chase.
Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
My friend wasn't accepted for a teaching job because he was cross-eyed
They thought he wouldn't be able to control his pupils.
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
Why did the artist go to the lounge? Because it was her comfort tone.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Do black and white count as colors?
It's a gray area.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.