Don't ignite your friends from behind, even if it's just a prank.
It will back fire for sure.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
Don’t moss around.
"I've found some bunny to love."
He’s my pinch charming.
Why did the King of Hearts marry the Queen of Hearts?
They were perfectly suited to each other.
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
What’s black and white and yellow?
A cowardly panda.
Last winter was so cold, I couldn’t stop telling my wife how much I glove her.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
Thirty-three thousand people think that Thursday is their thirtieth birthday.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes
So she gave me a hug!!!
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
Enough of the Corona virus jokes
We're all getting sick of them!
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I had four cans of alphabet soup.
Just had the largest vowel movement ever.
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
*nurse flips on a light switch*
“The Doctor will see you now.”
Why do pirates not know the alphabet?
Because they always get Lost at C (Sea).
What do cows in Greece sound like?
They say µ.
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!