What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
I like to say mucho when i’m talking to my Spanish speaking friends.
It means a lot to them.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
The tiger came went to the salon. Now, other animals of the jungle call him 'Shaved Khan.'
Cheesy Valentines Day Sayings
"No eggs-cuses."
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What do you call an alien spaceship that goes from planet to planet to planet? A UF-hoe.
"Adulting makes me wine."
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
“Is this the Spanish word for ‘nap’?” She asked, pointing to a word on the page.
“Si, está.”
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
[Pool Noodle] That’s using your noodle!
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
I’ll never fir-get.
I have an idea for a chain of Elvis steak houses.
It will be for people who love meat tender.
I told my husband I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
"I have so many egg puns, it's not even bunny."
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
“Did you hear the forecast for Christmas Eve? They’re calling for rain, dear!”
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What is a female "Douchebag" in France called??
A douche-baguette.