I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
One should always practice what they peach.
What did Michael Jackson say to his chess opponent?
“It don’t matter if you’re black or white.”
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
I cut down a tree in my yard, but I don't know what to do next.
I'm stumped!
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
Time to celery-brate.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
Goat milk?
What did the Austrian skier yell when he sprained his ankle?
“Alp!”
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What did Mars tell to Saturn? Give me a ring sometime!
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
A company from Israel took over the Greek national cheese factory in Greece
Now it's called the Cheeses of Nazareth.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
We make a great pear
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...