What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What’s a whale’s favorite movie?
The Humpback Of Notre Dame.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
My wife and I split up.
She got the “U” and I got the “P”
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
“I am hungary.”
“Maybe you should czech the fridge.”
“I’m russian to the kitchen.”
“Is there any turkey?”
“We have some, but it’s covered in greece”
“ew, there’s norway I’d eat that!”
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
Who's got a penchant for spearing? Pronger!
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
How did the cowboy greet the equestrian?
Howdy Neigh-bor.
Ireland is a little lamb-boyant.
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
TV news anchors love the shades of red. They get serious whenever there is Burgundy.
Who were Gumby’s favorite Bible characters?
Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago.