Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
Did you hear of the new disease going through France?
I've heard it was a Paris-ite.
Bowlers pay a lot of money to play. This is because it is a bum per lane.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
The comedian ghost had everyone in stitches - he was dead funny.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
A monster terrorized a village.
He kept doing it ogre and ogre again...
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Take a pitcher. It'll last longer.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
Witch fall flavor is your favorite?
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
What did the mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
Being uncomfortable with any physical contact, I decided to rent the book “How to Hug” from the library.
Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
Keep calm and carrot on.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.