Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
“Remember: don’t eat the yellow snow.”
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
Why do leaves change color in the fall? Because they want to leaf their old color.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
That’s a bit mulch.
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
Did you hear about the boy that went missing in the hospital?
Turns out he was just playing peek-a-boo ICU
How do you Charlemange-age to get through the last few days before vacation?
What do you get when you dump your Easter eggs on a hill?
A spring roll!
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Son: "Dad, why'd you name me Odysseus? He's from greek mythology."
Dad: "Well son, you broke through the trojan wall."
"Let's have some skele-fun."
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
"Read between the wines."
Wear green, or leaf.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you! and I want the whole world to know it.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
You're acute Valentine.