What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
How do knights communicate?
They use chain mail.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
What does rain wear to a fancy dinner party? A rainbow-tie.
In the night, a visitor came past my igloo. It was a yeti!
Not sure who left the other cooler, but thanks!
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Two tiny tigers take two taxis to town.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What do you call an overweight alien?
An extra cholesterol.
I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
You mermaid to go far.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
- I’m bone to be wild!
What do you call 2000 mockingbirds?
2 kilo mockingbird
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time? You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
What's an inmates favorite food? Cellery.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
I'll be making a movie about the Greek alphabets.
It's a Psi Phi film.
I stumbled upon people arguing about trains in my town.
I told them, what’s the lo-commotion?
I only have ice for you.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?
It was chipped.
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
Why didn’t my husband laugh at my awesome ice cream joke?
Because he was laughtose intolerant.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?