Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission.
Look for a rainbow connection.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
How many grammar cops does it take to change a light bulb?
Too.
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
My boss brought bagels for breakfast and asked me which one I wanted. I said "give me one of the Spanish bagels". He responded " One of the Spanish Bagels?"
"Ay poppy."
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
The pirate steals arrrrt when he has the chance.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
Why did the skeleton start the fight?
He had a bone to pick.
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
The favorite soccer position for ghosts is the ghoul keeper.
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...